The Grieving Process!
Monique de Villiers • February 13, 2025
The Grieving Process: What you need to Know!
Grief is a subjective state of emotional, physical and social responses to a loss. This could be due to the loss of loved one, a personal possession or it may feel or be perceived by the individual alone. It is different for everyone, and as such is expressed and dealt with differently. Some people do not experience an intense reaction, but most individuals experience fluctuating reactions over a period, while others may experience a complex - grief reaction.
A grief reaction, may last a week or it may even last longer due to the nature of the loss.
The process of overcoming grief, takes place in a stepwise approach, these include the following steps: 1) Shock and denial, 2) Pain and Guilt, 3) Anger and Bargaining, 4) Depression, reflection and loneliness, 5) Upward turn, 6) Reconstruction and work through, and 7) Acceptance and hope.
- Shock and Denial, individuals may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
- Pain and Guilt, as the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoids it or escapes from it with alcohol or drugs. Person may have guilty feelings over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
- Anger and Bargaining, frustration gives way to anger, and person may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Person may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" He may also try to bargain in vain with the powers at be for a way out of your despair. E.g. ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")
- Depression, reflection and loneliness, this is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses, you may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past.
- Upward turn, As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
- Reconstruction and work through, as you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
- Acceptance and hope, during this period, one learns to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, but each day it becomes easier and easier.
Assessments are required for each step on the journey of life! For Kids and Teens CliftonStrengths for Students: Identifies students' top strengths and talents to guide them towards suitable career paths. Career Key Discovery: Matches students' personalities with compatible career and education paths based on Holland’s Theory of Career Choice. Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator (RHETI): Helps students understand their core personality types and how they relate to potential careers. Acute Stress Checklist (ASC-Kids): Measures acute stress disorder reactions in children and adolescents. Ways of Coping Checklist: Assesses coping strategies for managing stress. For Adults Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI): Helps adults understand their personality types and how they can apply their strengths in various careers. Strong Interest Inventory: Measures interests in different areas and suggests careers that align with those interests. Skills Matcher: Identifies skills and matches them with suitable careers. Perceived Stress Scale (PSS): Measures the perception of stress to help individuals understand their stress levels. Coping Strategies Inventory: Evaluates coping strategies for managing stress. Burnout Questionnaire: Assesses symptoms and severity of burnout to help individuals recognise and address burnout. General Assessments Career Aptitude Tests: Evaluate skills, interests, and personality traits to suggest suitable careers (e.g., O*NET Interest Profiler, Career Key). Values Assessment: Helps individuals understand their values and align them with career choices. Leadership Assessments DISC Assessment: Evaluates behaviour and communication styles to help leaders understand how they interact with others and approach challenges. EQ-i 2.0: Measures emotional intelligence, which is crucial for effective leadership. 360-Degree Feedback: Collects feedback from peers, subordinates, and supervisors to provide a comprehensive view of leadership strengths and areas for improvement. Well-Being Assessments Well-Being Assessment (Adult – 24 items): Covers life satisfaction, physical and mental health, meaning and purpose, and more. Flourishing Measure: Evaluates well-being across multiple domains, including emotional health, social connectedness, and financial stability. PERMA Profiler: Measures positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment based on Martin Seligman's PERMA model. Entrepreneurial Assessments BDC Entrepreneurial Potential Self-Assessment: Evaluates motivations, aptitudes, and attitudes towards entrepreneurship. Entrepreneurial Mindset Profile (EMP): Assesses the key traits and skills associated with successful entrepreneurship, such as opportunity recognition, risk-taking, and innovation. Entrepreneurial Potential Assessment: Evaluates readiness for entrepreneurship by examining strengths, weaknesses, and areas for development. These assessments can provide valuable insights and help guide career decisions, leadership development, well-being, stress management, burnout prevention, and entrepreneurial ventures
Ontological Approach to your new "Way of Being"! Self-guiding in ontological coaching involves cultivating awareness and intentionality in your "way of being"—the interplay of your language, emotions, and body. Here’s how you can approach it: 1. Language: The Stories You Tell Observe Your Language : Pay attention to the words you use in self-talk and conversations. Are they empowering or limiting? For example, saying "I can't" might reflect a belief that can be challenged. Reframe Narratives : Shift from problem-focused language to possibility-focused language. Instead of "I failed," try "I learned something valuable." Ask Powerful Questions : Regularly ask yourself reflective questions like, "What assumptions am I making?" or "What new possibilities can I create?" 2. Emotions: The Energy You Carry Identify Emotional Patterns : Notice recurring emotions and their triggers. Are they serving you or holding you back? Shift Emotional States : Practice techniques like mindfulness, gratitude, or deep breathing to move from unhelpful emotions (e.g., frustration) to constructive ones (e.g., curiosity). Embrace Emotional Intelligence : Learn to name and understand your emotions without judgment. This helps in responding thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. 3. Body: The Foundation of Presence Tune Into Your Body : Notice your posture, breathing, and physical sensations. Are they aligned with confidence and openness, or do they reflect stress and tension? Practice Embodied Awareness : Engage in activities like yoga, tai chi, or even simple stretching to connect with your body and release tension. Adopt Empowering Postures : Stand tall, breathe deeply, and maintain an open posture to influence your emotional and mental state positively. 4. Integration: Aligning the Three Domains Reflect Regularly : Set aside time to journal or meditate on how your language, emotions, and body interact. For example, how does your posture change when you feel confident, and how does that affect your language? Experiment and Adjust : Try small changes in one domain and observe the ripple effects. For instance, adopting a more positive narrative might shift your emotional state and body language. Seek Feedback : Share your reflections with trusted friends or mentors who can offer insights and perspectives you might not see. 5. Commit to Growth Set Intentions : Define what you want to achieve in your personal or professional life and align your way of being with those goals. Celebrate Progress : Acknowledge even small shifts in your awareness and behaviour as steps toward transformation.
Ten steps to build your resilience! Cultivate Self-Awareness Resilience begins with understanding yourself. Take time to reflect on your emotions, thoughts, and behaviours during challenging situations. Journaling, mindfulness exercises, or self-reflection can help you recognize triggers, patterns, and strengths, allowing you to respond to difficulties with clarity and purpose. Maintain a Positive Mindset Optimism plays a crucial role in overcoming adversity. Focus on possibilities and growth rather than fixating on setbacks. Practice reframing negative thoughts and challenging limiting beliefs to build a constructive outlook. Surround yourself with positivity through supportive relationships, affirmations, or uplifting media. Develop Emotional Regulation Managing emotions effectively is key to resilience. Techniques such as mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, or progressive muscle relaxation can help you stay calm and grounded. When you regulate emotions, you create space to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively to challenges. Strengthen Relationships Resilience is not only an individual trait but also influenced by your connections. Build a network of supportive friends, family, colleagues, or mentors who can provide encouragement, perspective, and help during tough times. Foster authentic communication and invest in relationships that empower you. Set Realistic Goals Setting achievable goals helps create focus and momentum. Break larger challenges into smaller, manageable steps, and celebrate progress along the way. When your goals are realistic, you’re more likely to build confidence and maintain motivation, making setbacks less overwhelming. Learn from Failure Resilient individuals view failure as an opportunity to grow. Reflect on what went wrong, what you’ve learned, and how you can improve in the future. By adopting a growth mindset, you can turn failures into stepping stones toward success, fostering adaptability and perseverance. Build Physical Health Your physical well-being influences your mental resilience. Prioritize healthy habits such as regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and sufficient sleep to maintain energy and reduce stress. Physical activity, in particular, boosts mood and supports cognitive function, helping you navigate challenges effectively. Adopt Problem-Solving Skills Strengthen your ability to approach problems with a clear and constructive mindset. Identify potential solutions, weigh options, and take thoughtful actions to address obstacles. Problem-solving builds confidence and resourcefulness, preparing you to tackle unexpected challenges. Develop Adaptability Life is full of change, and resilience requires the ability to adjust to new circumstances. Embrace change as an opportunity for growth rather than fearing the unknown. Practice flexibility in your plans and perspectives, recognizing that adaptability is a strength that helps you thrive. Practice Gratitude Gratitude fosters optimism and emotional resilience. Regularly reflect on the positive aspects of your life, from small victories to meaningful relationships. Journaling or sharing what you're grateful for helps shift focus from adversity to abundance, promoting a resilient mindset.
